it is a good thing he is so cute......

I had intended for this post to be a holiday recap, but I guess I should know by now that my life does not ever seem to stick to my plan.

On Saturday I had to call 911 because my baby boy had a seizure right in front of my eyes. I had no idea what to do. I have always hoped that I would never have to call 911, especially because for one of my boys. But there I was, holding Cannon in my arms, his arms still twitching while I explained to the operator what had just happened. Tears were streaming down my face and I was in complete disbelief that this was actually happening.

I had set Cannon on the ground as I went to get him some milk. He knew what I was doing and was not happy that I put him down. He started to cry and went in to his typical breath holding pattern. This part was not new. In fact he does this almost daily. He holds his breath until he starts to turn blue and then he always comes back. Not this time. I picked him up to try to get him to start breathing. His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he began to seize. He had no color to his face, his eyes were half open and he just kept seizing. I had no idea what to do. I kept asking him to breath. I tried to keep talking to him in a calm voice but I was getting panicked. I was right by the patio so I took him outside thinking the cold air may help him snap out of it. Nothing was working. I grabbed my phone and briefly thought about calling Eric who was out getting the oil changed on the car. But what was he going to do? As I dialed the numbers 9-1-1 on the phone my heart was racing and I thought, really? Is this really happening? The operator told me what to do - lay him on his side, don't hold him down, etc. He finally stopped moving and he was calm. He lay in my arms quietly for a few moments and then he just began to scream. I sat on the phone with the operator as we waited for the paramedics to arrive. I just sobbed, wondering if he was okay. Did I do the right thing? Am I imagining this? The fire truck arrived first. Two firemen came in and we took his temperature right away. He did not have a fever. His vital signs were good but he was still quite upset and was still screaming. Then two paramedics arrived. All four men advised that Cannon be taken in the ambulance to Primary Children's Hospital. Just in case he had another seizure they could tend to him immediately. One of the firefighters helped Charlie get his shoes and jacket on. He was not phased by the events at all. He was telling them all about his Christmas presents and that his birthday was coming up and he was going to be five. I grabbed a jacket for Cannon and I and we headed out to the ambulance. Just as we got outside, Eric drove up. He had no idea what had just happened. He ran up to us and we gave him the details. He was going to follow us up to the hospital in his car. I asked if he could take Charlie, but he was already so excited to ride in the ambulance and they were cool with him coming with us. Cannon was still screaming as the paramedic tried to get some more information from me about his history and the event itself. It was about a half hour drive to the hospital. About halfway there Cannon fell asleep. The paramedic said it was common to crash like that since your body exerts an incredible amount of energy during a seizure. Charlie continued to talk about his favorite Nintendo games and Michael Jackson dance moves. The paramedic mentioned what a great kid he was. The second we got to the hospital Cannon woke up and began to scream. He continued to scream for the next 4 hours that we were at the ER. He was not happy about what just happened and definitely did not want to be in the hospital surrounded by strangers poking at him. We waited for what felt like an eternity. Eric and I took turns holding Cannon trying to get him to calm down and drink some Gatorade. (As a side note to all this, Cannon had been sick in the few days prior to this. He had been vomiting and was having trouble staying hydrated.) The doctor finally came in and asked a lot of questions about his history and the events of the day. He was pretty convinced that the seizure was related to his breath holding. He looked completely healthy otherwise and he had no other concerns. Really? All this because Cannon likes to hold his breath until he turns blue? I had heard of kids passing out, but not having a seizure. He basically told us to stay aware of this tendency and just try to avoid situations where he would hold his breath. Easy, right? Like I said before, this is pretty much a daily occurrence. The doctor just chuckled a little and gave us the spiel about every kid having a different temperament and how what works for one won't always work for another. He really was not much help. He did order some blood tests and an EKG just to be sure. He said sometimes seizures can be caused by iron deficiency. Cannon really got ticked when they covered his chests with leads for the EKG. They actually had to leave the room in hopes that he would calm down because they could not do the test with him that upset. He finally calmed down and they finished the test and took some blood. We waited for another 45 minutes to get the results. The doctor came back in to let us know the tests were completely normal and sent us on our way. Cannon actually stayed awake the entire ride home. He was not crying but just looking out the window at all the lights, acting like we had just had a normal day. He had some Gatorade when we got home. It was just about his bedtime and he was out for the night. Eric and I chatted for a little while and then we watched some mindless TV trying to calm down. We were exhausted and went to bed early but unfortunately spent most of the night tossing and turning. Cannon has been doing great since then. He is drinking a lot of milk but is slowly warming up to solid food.

He held his breath again today. He had a little spit-up and it sent him into his normal routine. He started to change color and I stayed calm. I have been praying that I will keep calm. That I will not have flashbacks of his colorless face and his twitching body when he has these breath holding moments. I am so grateful that God helped me through it today and I know he will continue to do so when and if it happens again.

We never want to experience days like this, but if we didn't we would not be able to experience all the good things that happened as well. The friends that dropped what they were doing in an instant to help out. The family and friends that prayed for us all day long and comforted us in our sorrow. The amazing emergency workers that were so kind to my two boys and comforted me when I felt like a complete idiot. The incredible care we received from the nurses at the Children's hospital. At the end of the day, I felt loved. My family was loved. And really, what more could I ask for?

Like I said before, it sure is a good thing he is so cute.