the "c" word

I hate to admit it, but cancer used to be one of those things that I heard about all the time, but could never really relate to because it hadn’t personally affected me.

I tried to sympathize with other people’s stories, but like a lot of things in life, I don’t think anyone can truly understand Cancer until it hits close to home. Obviously, I have no idea what it is like to be the one with cancer, but I now know what it is like to watch my dad go through it and I am beginning to realize that it didn’t just change him.

We heard the diagnosis and we all pulled together like a family has to do when you hear that terrible word. We cried and we encouraged and we put up our best fight and we loved each other through it all. We did all we could as we watched my dad go through the worst days of his life.

Now, the doctors say “there is no evidence of disease”. We are on the other side of it and we are supposed to feel this huge relief. But we still have to deal with the reality that life is just not the same anymore. It is not easy to forget that the statistics are still not in my dad’s favor.

Now, a stomach ache doesn’t just mean a flu bug anymore. It means that all your worst fears come bubbling to the surface and you can’t help but wonder if it’s back.

Now, when we drive by the hospital, Cannon says from the backseat of the car, “There is G-Pa’s hospital.” And scars, and hair loss and hearing that G-Pa doesn’t feel well has become commonplace for my children that are too young to have to deal with this.

Now, I watch my boys play with their G-Pa and their love for each other just gushes out of their hearts and souls. And instead of just enjoying the moment, I try not to think about how they may have to say goodbye way too early. I try not to think about how I may have to say goodbye way too early.

Now, I am incredibly humbled by all of the love, support and prayers my family has received these past eight months. I thank God that my dad is still with us today. I do appreciate that he is in remission.

But life is different now. Once cancer enters your life, it never really leaves. And that really sucks.

may 29, 2012

I usually never let the boys get chocolate milk when we eat out, but since it was just Cannon and I for dinner tonight, I decided it would be a fun treat.  He was busy looking at the toy display, but from several feet away he heard me order the chocolate milk and he came running.  "Did you say chocolate milk?!?" he yelled with a huge smile on his face.

The cashier put our order together as Cannon stood by the counter saying, "One chocolate milk for me please.  That's right, I will take one chocolate milk.  Yep, that chocolate milk is for me."

The smile remained as we found our seat, shook up the milk container and unwrapped the straw.  He sucked down the entire bottle, barely taking enough time to breathe as he guzzled it down (despite my requests to take it easy).

Then he took two bites of his chicken and said "My belly is full."

Now I remember why I never get them chocolate milk.  Lesson learned, once again.

may 28, 2012

We had a good, low-key holiday weekend.  We didn't have much of anything planned, which usually end up being the best kind of weekends.

We made cookies.

We beat Super Mario Bros. on the Wii.

We did laundry.  What would a weekend be without laundry?

We prayed for my dad.

Charlie lost his fourth tooth, all four have been from the bottom.

We put together a list of activities we want to do this summer.

We made a paper chain to countdown the days until we go to the Oregon Coast in July.

We took a trip to the clinic for Cannon.  Looks like it's a sinus infection.

I organized my scrapbooking stuff in hopes to get me motivated to catch-up on my Project Life. Maybe this week?

And we went to a BBQ at Grandpa Rodger and Grandma Anita's house.

This weekend was just what we needed to get us ready to settle in to our new summer routine.

may 25, 2012

We officially have a second grader in the house.  Go Charlie! :)

First Day of 1st Grade:

The last day of 1st Grade:

And shaved ice to celebrate.  Watermelon for Cannon and Cherry Coke for Charlie.

Looking forward to a fun-filled and exciting Summer with these two cute boys.

may 22, 2012

It was another sick day for Charlie today.  He missed two days last week too.  We thought he was getting better, but his cough just wasn't breaking and he still had a low grade fever after a week and a half.  When I say he has a cough, I mean he has a COUGH.  We call it the death cough around here. It is the hardest thing to hear such a terrible, painful noise coming from his tiny little body.  It gets a lot worse at night so we prop him up and turn on the humidifier, but it doesn't seem to help much. The doctor thought he may be on the brink of walking pneumonia so she prescribed some antibiotics and lots and lots of rest.

We met up with Eric for lunch at a deli that just opened in the area. Charlie got the grilled PB&J.  Can you say YUM?  He hasn't had much of an appetite, but he was able to force down half of this huge triple-decker sandwich.

He was already feeling much better by this evening.  His fever is gone and I have only heard him cough once since he went to bed.

It must have been the sandwich.

may 20, 2012

Why do all the "simple" home improvement projects turn into the biggest disasters?

I am lucky that my husband is still speaking to me.

may 19, 2012

First popsicle of the season.  Summer, we love you!

may 18, 2012

Charlie's first grade program was today and as you can see, he was totally stoked about it.  Let's just say that being up in front of a crowd is not his thing.  Add singing silly songs to that and he is really not interested.  To his credit, he is on the tail end of a bad cold and was still not feeling 100%.  In fact, his teacher had to pull him aside at one point because he was coughing and had a hard time catching his breath.  Poor little dude.

He can hardly wait for school to be out.  We have been counting down for weeks and he is so excited that the days can fit on just one hand.....only five more to go!

may 13, 2012

Eric and I both turned 33 this week.  Last weekend we celebrated by sending the boys off to the grandparents and enjoyed a low-key, relaxing weekend.

We also ate dinner at P.F. Changs.  It was delicious, as always.

We also went to see The Five-Year Engagement.  We caught up on The Killing.  We went to The Parade of Homes.  And we slept in. (cue the angels singing!)

This weekend we celebrated Mother's Day.  Charlie gave me a drawing that he made of me.

Cannon gave me a card that he made at preschool and then was disappointed that there wasn't much in this holiday for him.

We had cupcakes.  Unfortunately, they look better than they tasted.

But most importantly, we celebrated another year of this life.  Another year together.  Another year blessed beyond measure.

may 1, 2012

The before shot....

And the after...

And just because this one is so them....