the "c" word

I hate to admit it, but cancer used to be one of those things that I heard about all the time, but could never really relate to because it hadn’t personally affected me.

I tried to sympathize with other people’s stories, but like a lot of things in life, I don’t think anyone can truly understand Cancer until it hits close to home. Obviously, I have no idea what it is like to be the one with cancer, but I now know what it is like to watch my dad go through it and I am beginning to realize that it didn’t just change him.

We heard the diagnosis and we all pulled together like a family has to do when you hear that terrible word. We cried and we encouraged and we put up our best fight and we loved each other through it all. We did all we could as we watched my dad go through the worst days of his life.

Now, the doctors say “there is no evidence of disease”. We are on the other side of it and we are supposed to feel this huge relief. But we still have to deal with the reality that life is just not the same anymore. It is not easy to forget that the statistics are still not in my dad’s favor.

Now, a stomach ache doesn’t just mean a flu bug anymore. It means that all your worst fears come bubbling to the surface and you can’t help but wonder if it’s back.

Now, when we drive by the hospital, Cannon says from the backseat of the car, “There is G-Pa’s hospital.” And scars, and hair loss and hearing that G-Pa doesn’t feel well has become commonplace for my children that are too young to have to deal with this.

Now, I watch my boys play with their G-Pa and their love for each other just gushes out of their hearts and souls. And instead of just enjoying the moment, I try not to think about how they may have to say goodbye way too early. I try not to think about how I may have to say goodbye way too early.

Now, I am incredibly humbled by all of the love, support and prayers my family has received these past eight months. I thank God that my dad is still with us today. I do appreciate that he is in remission.

But life is different now. Once cancer enters your life, it never really leaves. And that really sucks.

january 5, 2012

Dad started his first day of radiation today.  He said that his skin was a little bit tender in his neck and throat area tonight, but overall he was feeling pretty good.  Praying that he will continue to do well and he won't experience any of the nasty side effects they talked about.

please pray....

Just when I thought that life was ready to settle down again, we are once again thrown for a loop.

My dad has cancer.

You always hope and pray that you will never have to say those words about someone you love.  Someone that you have looked up to your whole life.  Someone that has loved you unconditionally from the moment you were born.

It has been tough to accept.  It is an emotional rollercoaster that at times doesn't feel real and at other times I feel like running far, far away so I can pretend it is not happening.

I don't know what the future holds for my dad.  It looks as though we have a long fight in front of us, but I am so grateful that we are back home and we can do it together.

You can follow my dad's journey here:  CaringBridge